Fear Factor

In a previous blog I wrote about being without a phone for three days and the fears and apprehensions I had to deal with because of that.

Throughout my life I find that what I feared has come upon me.  (Job 3:25 “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.”) 

There have been three things in life I feared - that kind of paralyzing fear: 1) fear of losing my husband to another women - happened with my first husband (1982); 2) fear of losing one of my children to death - Byron passed away a year ago; 3) fear of pain - two broken ankles (2007 and 2013); totally crippled in a three day period and told I may never walk again (diagnosis – rheumatoid arthritis changed to poly arthritis once I started walking again (1981); almost lost my eyesight to an infection (1984); a pain on Mothers Day that was so intense it took me 45 minutes to walk 150 feet to the car from a public restaurant, sometimes laying down on the ground in the fetal position (diagnosis - twisted tumors which resulted in a complete hysterectomy 1999); day after Mothers Day was run off the road in my car which flipped over on its side in an irrigation ditch and started to fill with water (2004).

Fear stops us from seeing God for who He is.  Resulting in fear stopping us from doing what God wants us to do.  Did you know the command “fear not” is stated in the Bible more times than any other command such as “love God” or “love others”?

My life verse I adopted shortly after becoming a Christian is Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”  To be honest, I am not sure what I was going through and why I chose this verse when I did, but it is a verse I have clung to over the last 40+ years.  There were times I was just clinging to these words by the tips of my finger nails but I held on – because once I had tasted God’s goodness, I had nothing else to cling to. 

Anxiety

On most occasions the way I learn a life lesson is that I will read something in the Bible, then I will think about it and in a few days a situation or circumstance will happen to me in life that will “test” me on what I had previously read and thought about.  Such is what happened last night. 

The general theme of what I have been reading in the Bible and in other devotional books in the last few weeks have been “depending on God” and “faith in God”.  The general lesson I am learning is to radically depend on God and not others.  And to depend on God then, I need to have faith that God will be there for me and do what He says He will do. 

Just yesterday in my quiet time I wrote, “The essence of wisdom is to trust in Me (God) more than yourself or other people” ~ Sarah Young from Jesus Today.  Proverbs 28:26 “He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.” 

The day before I journaled, “When your circumstances are challenging and you are feeling weak, you tend to obsess about how you are going to make it through the day.  Whenever this happens, ask Me (God) to open your eyes so you can find Me ‘in the moment’.  ‘See’ Me standing nearby, with my strong arm extended to you, offering you My help.” ~ Sarah Young from Jesus Today.  Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

Last night a situation took place where I was experiencing fear.  Fear based upon “what if” this happened or “what if “this other thing happened.  In my own way I tried to control the situation to prevent this fear, but the situation and the decisions made were out of my control.  So what remained was what I was going to do with this fear right at that time.  So after some displayed anger at the person (who was not present at the time) for putting me in a position to experience this fear, I “calmly lashed” out at God and remembering what I had read and thought about the last two days specifically said, “God, help me to see You right now, at this time, in this moment, with Your strong arm extended out to me.  Please squelch this fear I am experiencing right now.” 

Over the next two hours my fear subsided, was not extinguished, but subsided.  I know I will be tested again in a similar situation, probably within the next 48 to 72 hours.  These are the little tests in life I experience on a fairly regular basis.  This is one more little step in learning to radically depend on God, not on myself, not on others.