Lesson Turned Discipline

God has given humans the unique capacity to observe their own thoughts.  Resulting in the possibility to monitor our thoughts and make choices about out thoughts.  “Worry is largely a matter of thinking about things at the wrong time” ~ Sarah Young from Jesus Today.  

I often subscribe to the philosophy that where matters of the heart and mind are concerned, timing is everything.  Thirty years ago when I was going through a heart breaking gut wrenching divorce and custody battle I would find my stomach growing into  knots.  I soon learned to stop and consider what I was thinking about at the time when I would feel this physical pain in my stomach.  99.9% of the time I was reflecting on mean words spoken to me or by me, jealous thoughts of the “other woman”, hateful acts, etc. 

I made a conscious effort when I would catch myself thinking about these things, to start singing praises to God.  By this time in my life I had been a Christian for about 10 years.  And since I love to sing, I had learned a lot of praise songs over the years.  And there were a few short stanzas I would sing over and over, many times through tears, many times with voice breaking because of the raw emotion I was feeling at the time.  By doing so each and every time my spirit was lifted out of the miry den of self absorption to a higher plane of God focus.  At first this praise discipline would result in only minutes of higher relief, but with lots and lots of practice it became second nature to praise God in song when feeling hurt and pain. 

 

Eleven months ago my adult son passed away 10 days after receiving a heart transplant.  The new heart did not give out; his weakened body succumbed to a massive infection that  quickly fought all antibiotics.  I was at home in my pjs at 10pm when I got the call from my daughter that Byron was dying.  Nurses and doctors had been performing CPR for over 25 minutes at this point.  After being advised by the doctor that it was time to let Byron go, I hung up.  My husband was 250 miles away; my other daughter and her husband were at the hospital.  I got dressed, headed to the hospital 40 minutes a way. 

During that 40 minute drive I went into default mode after years of discipline training and sang praise songs to God.  I knew this was my only survival.  Who knew that a lesson - turned discipline - 30 years prior would be my survival kit to get me through the darkest night of my life?  God knew.

Anxiety

On most occasions the way I learn a life lesson is that I will read something in the Bible, then I will think about it and in a few days a situation or circumstance will happen to me in life that will “test” me on what I had previously read and thought about.  Such is what happened last night. 

The general theme of what I have been reading in the Bible and in other devotional books in the last few weeks have been “depending on God” and “faith in God”.  The general lesson I am learning is to radically depend on God and not others.  And to depend on God then, I need to have faith that God will be there for me and do what He says He will do. 

Just yesterday in my quiet time I wrote, “The essence of wisdom is to trust in Me (God) more than yourself or other people” ~ Sarah Young from Jesus Today.  Proverbs 28:26 “He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.” 

The day before I journaled, “When your circumstances are challenging and you are feeling weak, you tend to obsess about how you are going to make it through the day.  Whenever this happens, ask Me (God) to open your eyes so you can find Me ‘in the moment’.  ‘See’ Me standing nearby, with my strong arm extended to you, offering you My help.” ~ Sarah Young from Jesus Today.  Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

Last night a situation took place where I was experiencing fear.  Fear based upon “what if” this happened or “what if “this other thing happened.  In my own way I tried to control the situation to prevent this fear, but the situation and the decisions made were out of my control.  So what remained was what I was going to do with this fear right at that time.  So after some displayed anger at the person (who was not present at the time) for putting me in a position to experience this fear, I “calmly lashed” out at God and remembering what I had read and thought about the last two days specifically said, “God, help me to see You right now, at this time, in this moment, with Your strong arm extended out to me.  Please squelch this fear I am experiencing right now.” 

Over the next two hours my fear subsided, was not extinguished, but subsided.  I know I will be tested again in a similar situation, probably within the next 48 to 72 hours.  These are the little tests in life I experience on a fairly regular basis.  This is one more little step in learning to radically depend on God, not on myself, not on others.

My Dad

I am truly blessed to have my 96 year old Dad still teaching me life’s lessons.

Dad taught me a strong belief in God.  As long as I can remember I was in church every Sunday morning.  Up until just a few months ago when Dad finally gave up driving he attended a men’s prayer meeting every Monday morning at 6am at a local restaurant.  He attended this prayer breakfast for 50+ years.  My children, my marriage, and multiple other facets of my life have been prayed for by these men.  My father is currently the oldest living member of the United Methodist Church in Roswell, NM.  Meaning not only is he the oldest in age but he has been a member there longer than any other living person.

Dad taught me to love and appreciate the country we live in.  My dad served in the Navy during World War II.  He also was active in politics while I was growing up.  Even though as an adult I have decided to support a different political party, I don’t take having the right to vote lightly.  It is a great responsibility that few other countries allow their citizens to have. 

Dad taught me financial responsibility.  To this day Dad has never used credit except for buying a home.  All his cars, appliances, etc. were paid for in cash.  And if the cash was not available we did not have it.  He also have saved and invested his money.  This being the nest egg my parents are living off of now.

Dad taught me the importance of the institution of marriage.  He and my mom have been married 65 years, soon to be 66 years on August 31^st. And they have had their challenges during those 65 years of marriage but have remained loyal and faithful to each other.

Dad taught me a strong work ethic.  Dad owned his own real estate business and gave up many weekends while I was young to be working at open houses to provide for our family.  I never truly appreciated how hard he worked until I became a single parent and was the sole provider for my children.

Dad taught me the importance of education.  Dad taught at the local college for years. Both my parents have college degrees and always encouraged me scholastically.  I know that is one reason why as a grown adult I returned to college and acquired three degrees.

Dad taught me the importance of words.  Throughout my life I can remember my father saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say it at all”.  My dad has lived by those words and today is known for his positive attitude toward life and his kindness to others. 

These are just a few of the many things my Dad has taught me over the years.  And I am still being taught today.  I have not always learned these lessons in a timely fashion and have struggled in my life because of my lack of learning.  But my Dad has always taught them to me by his example. 

I love you Dad.