Reconnect

Yesterday was just one of the tough days in life.  Not the “tough” that everything goes wrong and nothing goes right, but just a few things don’t go as expected and you become down.  I know my “up” meter is below average anyway as the one year anniversary of my son, Byron’s, death approaches next week.  So it is during times like this I remember to look for the good in each day expecting the hard times to be present. 

Two days ago Byron’s best friend, Pete, responded to a text of mine.  This was the first time we had heard from Pete in almost a year.  Over the last year I have randomly sent Pete texts and called him and left voice mails just to see how he is doing but with no response.  Since we are coming up on the anniversary date I thought Pete might be struggling as we are, so I sent him a text to tell him we were thinking of him. 

He responded and apologized for “disappearing” and asked for forgiveness.  As I responded to him, if there is one thing I have learned on this journey of grief, that is that no two people grieve the same way and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  Just as we are as individual as snow flakes are individual, so is our grieving unique.  Therefore there is nothing to forgive.  It was just great hearing from him again after all these months. 

So why should I let a 3 hour wait at 2 different Departments of Motor Vehicle and a defective SIM card for my new phone and no phone service for a week overshadow reconnecting with Byron’s best friend?  I should not.  

Heaven

Last night I received word that one of the women in my GriefShare group last fall committed suicide.  My family attended this 13 week recovery class for people who had lost a loved one through death.  On July 23, 2012, my 34 year old son passed away, ten days after receiving a heart transplant.

This friend lost her husband when a car struck his motorcycle while he was on his way home from work.  Thay had been married for years, had grown children and he was close to retirement.

I think most people who have lost a loved one at one time or another have entertained the idea of suicide just to get rid of the excruciating hurt and pain you go through day after day.  I think some get beat up and worn down from the ongoing daily "new normal" that has been thrust upon us, that we never wanted.

That is why the blog I did a couple days ago about "Hope Springs Forth" was so meaningful to me.  Over the last year the lives of my family have had little hope, so you learn to recognize it and appreciate it when you feel it.

How are you surviving the loss of a loved one?